Good Evening Reader,
My name is Mr.Chism and I have made it my quest, nay, my task to find outstanding examples of Assholery through out this great Land Mass of ours. I have “enblackened” the names of the periodicals and regions from wence they came to protect what shred of dignity they might have going for them. In a litigious note I must warn that any one consuming hot or warmer than decently acceptable beverages to leave them staunchly alone while activly reading this column to avoid any unnecessary scalding or pant ruinment.
Enblackened Town Name
“Today marks a new low for the residents of Enblackened Town Name when a truck full of guns collided with another filled with dangerous toys on the City’s High School’s Football Coach’s private field today sparking one of the most unholy unions of warped stuffing and heavy fire power; the collision created intense heat which fused the artillery with the toys and gave them a lust for death which simply cannot be quenched. The first victim of this, what only can be described as an “Army of deranged cuteness” was the City’s High School’s Football Coach’s family and close friends who had gathered together for what they thought was going to be a day of unspeakable fun would turn into a day of unspeakable horror. The Coach was absent from the festivities due to torn right ligament and would have to set out the next three weeks of social events. “Gone. All gone. HIKE!” Coachie remarked to reporters who found him in an impromptu football game that sprang to life on the Coach’s field between the First Response crew and the local attending Clergy.
Local Law Enforcement have been rendered powerless to these troublesome toys by what Police Chief Enblackened Name of innocent who at a press conference held earlier today told reporters “You’re telling me we have toy’s with gun’s running amok and killing everyone in their path? That’s pretty f*cked up. Now I’ll thank you to let me get back to the issue of tax reform and ……enjoy hell suckers I’m out!”. The question still remains as to why semi trucks were driving on a field 10 miles away from the nearest interstate has yet to be resolved. The Citizens of Enblackened Town Name are urged to stay in doors as the undead army of armed childrens play things are moving at an alarming rate and leaving trails of calamity and fluff in their wake. There could be no end in sight, this could be the end of all humanity. If not may I remind my readers that I make a special appearance every Thursday night at “shCity Books” from 7:30 to closing for ongoing signings and Q and A about my recent book: “Troubled minds: the mentally deficient’s love of tricks and pranks”.
Enblackened Periodicle Name